Oftentimes, I believe things that others don’t. Like, when at the end of a date, the guy says, “I had a great time. I’ll call you,” I actually look for his call. Or when my best friend calls for the hundredth time in as many days and says, “That’s it. I’m leaving him,” I clean out the spare bedroom - again.
Okay, sure, so sometimes I can be a bit naïve. But I didn’t think my naivety would apply to this contest. However, it has, for, I actually thought:
Naïve Belief #1: Men Will Flock to My Contest in Droves
Now, why did I think this, you ask?
Because I’ve seen statistics on the number of times per minute/hour/day that men think about sex. I’ve heard my guy friends complain about how much they want sex and how little their wife/girlfriend is giving them. I’ve overheard guys declare with pride in coffee shops, bars, restaurants, etc. how hot Vanessa or Cindy or Keisha thought he was. I’ve witnessed the Bar Scene Mating Ritual and seen the guy’s chest puff up when the woman he’d been making eyes at sent him that I-think-you’re-hot smile.
So, all this led me to naively assume that men would:
- Love the opportunity to be a sex symbol, to be desired by women all over cyberspace
- Love the opportunity to be open about sex and romance
- Be comfortable with their sexuality
Instead, some of the responses have surprised me. Yes, there are men – like Julian, Fred, Chris, and others - who met my expectations above. But they have been the exceptions. For every one hundred guys I approached about my contest, fewer than five were receptive.
Some of the responses — like the common “I’m not hot enough”— were endearing, because they revealed a male vulnerability I wasn’t expecting. Which showed me that men, just like women, compare themselves to what society (or Hollywood) promotes as hot – and find themselves lacking.
Other reactions shocked me. Like the model/actor who’d admitted that he’d been a “perpetrator of degrading women” but found Derek to be “lacking any substance, materialistic, and, frankly, offensive.”
But the piece de resistance occurred during my recent guest appearance on Playboy Radio when the host, Tara Mack, asked callers to give me a word for “vagina” to use in a book. When pressed to give an answer, two guys actually hung up.
So I’d like to talk about this. Are guys shy about going public with sex? If given a chance, do guys really want to be a sex symbol? Are men comfortable with their sexuality? Men and women, I’d love to hear your thoughts!
